Yo, the best streaming documentaries are legit the reason i haven’t seen daylight in 72 hours, and i’m not even mad about it? Wait, no, i am mad—my back hurts from this lumpy couch and my dog keeps farting like he’s auditioning for a true crime doc. anyway. i’m typing this from columbus ohio where it’s been raining for like, ever, and the only light in here is the netflix glow reflecting off a doritos bag i swear has been here since tuesday.
why the best streaming documentaries own my soul (and my laundry pile)
okay real talk: i started The Social Dilemma on Netflix thinking “oh cool, tech stuff,” and ended up throwing my phone across the room at 3am because JEFF ORLOFF or whoever was in my HEAD. then i picked it back up to google “am i being tracked right now” and yeah, that’s how these top docs getcha. they’re like emotional quicksand.
the best streaming documentaries that made me text my ex at 2am (don’t judge)
- the last dance – cried over mj’s flu game. FLU GAME. i once called off work bc my toe hurt.
- don’t fk with cats** – started curious, ended paranoid. i now check my ring camera 12 times a day.
- tiger king – carole baskin’s smile lives in my nightmares rent-free. also i adopted a cat. his name is joe exotic.
how i became that guy who quotes documentaries at parties
used to think docs were just boring penguin shit on pbs. then hulu hit me with Fyre Fraud and i laughed so hard i choked on a cheeto. now i’m correcting randos at bars: “actually the netflix fyre cut is the real one.” like sir this is a dive bar, touch grass. but also… i’m not wrong??
pro tips from a hot mess:
- pair true crime with spicy snacks. nature docs? kale chips so you pretend to be healthy.
- NEVER read the reddit threads first. you’ll never unsee the “carole fed her husband to tigers” theories.
the best streaming documentaries i lowkey hated but watched anyway
abducted in plain sight had me screaming at my tv so loud my neighbor banged on the wall. paused to call my mom: “you never joined a cult right??” she hung up. these binge-worthy documentaries are like watching a train wreck in 4k—you have to see how bad it gets.
hot takes (come at me)
- 13th should be mandatory. watched it once and stared at my ceiling til sunrise.
- won’t you be my neighbor? made me sob over mr rogers. i’m 32. send tissues.
- cheer? don’t care about sports but i was yelling “MAT TALK” at my dog by episode 3.
wrapping this up before my laptop dies (it’s at 4%)
so yeah the best streaming documentaries are my toxic ex—i know they’re bad for me but i keep going back. they’re messy, unhinged, and make me question everything, just like my group chat.
start with one. just one. (i say, lying to myself for the 12th night in a row.) keep a notebook nearby bc you’ll have THOUGHTS.
now if you’ll excuse me Our Planet II is calling… and my left sock is still MIA.
your turn: what’s your ride-or-die best streaming documentary? drop it below—i need more ways to avoid adulthood. 😅
